Much doo doo about nothing

The SE Texas Record May 22, 2010, 4:31am

Doesn't it seem like folks are screaming, "Enough already" more and more lately, what with bureaucrats and regulators and micro-managing busybodies assailing us with their cautions and caveats, advisories and admonitions?

Is there anything left that we still are allowed to figure out and do on our own? Is there anything left that is not the business of the know-it-alls?

Maybe you thought it couldn't get any sillier when Sheryl Crow issued her diktat prescribing the proper, parsimonious use of toilet paper.

But now it has.

The Texas Commission on Environmental Quality (TCEQ) has joined the anti-defecation league, assigning to Limestone County Judge Daniel Burkeen a complaint about a Thornton resident leasing a hunting cabin with no bathroom, leaving hunters no choice but to doo-doo what comes naturally in the great outdoors!

Judge Burkeen has experienced lots of document dumps over the years, but this was his first dump document -- and he considered it a crap case.

"We have had some delay in our investigation of the incidents alleged in the complaint," Burkeen reported to TCEQ, citing "a rash of reports of cows, horses, sheep and goats defecating at will in pastures throughout the county."

The judge speculated that "wild hogs, deer and all sorts of other animals are defecating without even trying to find a proper facility" and pointed to the proof on his windshield of "a mischievous bird defecating in flight."

Burkeen promised to get back to TCEQ when he had all the poop on the situation and offered to send samples for their inspection.

Kudos to Judge Burkeen for his intestinal fortitude, and for treating this case with the seriousness it deserved.

As for the excremental defectives at the TCEQ, maybe one of our civic-minded readers will send a lifetime supply of Depends.

In the meantime, we move to adjourn, or vice versa.

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