Yes, we have no bananas -- for Brent Coon

The SE Texas Record Aug. 8, 2012, 5:40am

There you are at the diner, sharing a banana split with Billie Jo – the Billie Jo, the girl every guy in your high school wants to share a split with.

While she's sharing one with you and not them -- you're wondering how you managed to find the courage to ask the prettiest girl on the cheer-leading team to share a split, and what possessed her to say yes to miserable old you. When all of a sudden this big lug in a leather jacket slides into the booth next to her and tries to horn in.

"Hey, dude, get your own booth," you protest, "and your own split, and your own date."

Well, you wind up in the gutter outside the diner, and the big lug gets the booth, the girl and the split -- but it's not a total loss, because your timid friends are impressed that you stood up to the interloper.

"Don't you know who that was?" they ask incredulously. "Oh, my God! That was Brent Coon! He could have pulverized you! You stood up to Brent Coon!"

Maybe some 50-year-old nerd has a fond memory like that, who knows? We do know that Brent Coon likes to horn in on other people's bananas.

The Provost Umphrey (PU) Law Firm, for instance, has filed suit in Jefferson County District Court to prevent Coon and his client, among others, from sharing in fees PU will earn in a suit against the Dole Food Co. on behalf of banana pickers exposed to a pesticide alleged to have deleterious effects on reproductive organs.

Earned may not be the right word, but still, Dole has agreed to a proposed settlement.

Coon and PU have a love-hate relationship. He used to work there, then he left, and now they can't stand each other. We're happy for both of them.

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