Our View: Is the Secret Service going after Watts, or giving him cover?

The SE Texas Record Mar. 24, 2014, 2:57pm

Conspiracies are like boogeymen: They may exist, but they can’t possibly be responsible for everything they’re blamed for.

When you’re a kid, the boogeyman is a monster that hides in the closet or under your bed and only comes out to frighten you or get you in trouble. 

When you’re a grown-up, the boogeyman is anything you can saddle with responsibility for the disappointments in your life. Weight gain, divorces, financial setbacks, etc. are not your fault – they can’t be blamed on your own personal gluttony, lust, or greed – if the boogeyman made them happen.

In Texas, hurricanes used to be the big boogeymen. They were responsible for everything bad that ever happened to a Texan looking for an excuse. Then along came the mother of all boogeymen, the Gulf Oil Spill.

The Gulf Oil Spill injured people who’d never set foot in the Gulf. It caused damage to businesses and property hundreds of miles inland. It precipitated losses far exceeding the value of the things lost.

The Gulf Oil Spill injured people who didn’t know they’d been injured. It injured people who were already dead. It even injured people who never existed.

Ask plaintiffs attorney Mikal Watts. Thousands of these unknowing, deceased, or nonexistent individuals were his clients. Clients were fabricated the way ACORN fabricated voters.

Watts represented 44,510 partly-dead and partly-imaginary clients in a class action suit against British Petroleum for damages incurred as a result of the Gulf Oil Spill.

Last December, BP filed suit against Watts, charging that the Social Security numbers of half of his plaintiffs were fraudulent. U.S. District Judge Carl Barbier recently stayed that civil litigation, pending results of a Secret Service investigation into Watts’ alleged misrepresentations.

Here’s where one of those crazy conspiracy theories comes in. Watts is a big Democratic donor and Obama supporter. Is the Secret Service actually considering charges against him, or just impeding the progress of BP’s suit?


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