Brent Coon wants to have his cake and eat it, too

The SE Texas Record Jun. 4, 2013, 11:44am

In one of Aesop’s best-known fables, a dog with a bone sees his reflection in a stream and tries to snatch the reflected bone from his own image. Dropping the real bone that he had into the water, he learns -- if he’s not too old of a dog -- that it’s best not to overreach. 

The old axiom, “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too,” expresses a similar sentiment. Once you eat a cake, it’s gone and you don’t have it anymore. If you want to keep it, you must refrain from eating it.

Then, there’s the angler’s adage, “Fish or cut bait,” which has various interpretations but sometimes means that you can’t do two things at once. The impatient poker player expresses this idea to the hesitant bettor as: “Are you in or out?”

In other words, you can’t have it both ways, so make up your mind.

Rock-star attorney Brent Coon may not favor fables or confections, but surely he’s gone fishing before and finessed a few hands of stud.

We pity his fishing friends and poker pals, for Coon is the type that always has to have it both ways. He’s doing his double-dipping best right now to reap the benefits of participation in the Deepwater Horizon MDL while simultaneously retaining the right to sue BP separately on behalf of the thousands and thousands of clients he claims to represent.

So far, objections to the proposed settlement have been filed on behalf of 13,786 individuals, more than 80 percent of whom (11, 245) are ostensibly Coon clients. Nearly half of his objectors (5,534), however, are registered to submit claims under the settlement.

Of 9,460 opt-out requests deemed invalid because they were not signed by the individual asking to be excluded from the settlement, 7,925 sport Brent Coon’s computer-generated signature.

Someone needs to pin Coon down and make him answer the question: Are you in or out?

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